photo: nbcnews
It seems even groundhogs can get the blues. And those might be jailhouse blues, if the state prosecutor gets his way.
Poor Punxsutawney has his job cut out for him. The wily prosecutor has decided that not only he's seeking charges of fraud against the furry critter, but he might even double the post and ask for the death penalty.
Hasn't the prosecutor heeded the warning of scientists everywhere? That the climate is doomed, that the planet is about fried, and that metereologists everywhere are pulling their hair trying to figure out what models to use to predict the weather?
And let's not forget that metereologists, after all, go to school. Poor Punxsutawney get only 5 minutes in the fresh air to get all the information he uses to predict the weather, whether or not the Spring will come early or not.
And it's not like they don't know where to find him. Right there in his burrow, where he is sleeping contentedly until the real Spring arrives, while the lawmen are feverishly trying to mount the case against him. All it takes for poor P.P. to end his successful streak of weatherly predictions, is one lousy warrant and off he'll go to the slammer.
And the death penalty no less. Hasn't anyone heard of clemency on the grounds of sleepiness? Did the tall hat fellers who dug him out provided poor Phil with proper coffee? Come on, help us out here. We've got to find some ameliorating circumstances for Phil. After all he's just a chubby rodent, a peaceful creature who loves the sun just as much as the next animal.
If anyone wants to start a collection for the legal defence of a lonely groundhog named Phil Punxsutawney, please contact Phil at his burrow. Just drop the money in, he'll collect it as soon as he get out of his slumber.
Op-Ed
3.23.13
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